They say all roads lead home.  They have for me.  I am home.  A few months ago, an acquaintance in Wisconsin said I might just be running away from my troubles to come here.  But the truth is, this is where I have needed to be for quite some time.  And while my journey has lead me here, the journey is far from over.

I am happy here, there is no doubt, but life still goes on.  And life isn’t always a perfect bedtime story.  In fact it rarely is.

I am lucky in the sense that I have hit the reboot button.  A fresh start.  A new life at the age of 55.  Many people my age dream of starting over.  I have been truly blessed that I have had that opportunity.  And things have worked out pretty damned well for me.  New studio, new work, creative freedom.  Yes, I am blessed. But….

There is always a but….

I am finding that the heart is a very complicated mechanism.  Matters of the heart can be a storm cloud that follows all the sunny times we have.  My heart is bruised.  Broken.   Crushed, actually.  And while so many wonderful things are happening for me, the clouds still persist.

They say time heals all wounds.  Time.  Not travel.  Not a new home or a new life.  Time.  There is no short cut to heal the heart.

Love.  It is a basic human instinct.  The human condition.  We write poems, stories, songs and movies about love.  The love of family and friends.  The unconditional love you get from a dog, man’s best friend.  I think we are hard wired to find love, to give love and to accept love.  Love is perhaps the greatest gift God has given us.

And also the greatest cruelty.

The pain inflected on the human mind and body due to lost love is deeper, harder and more intense that just about any bodily harm that can come to us.

I know this.  I have beaten my body pretty hard over my lifetime.

Love is hard.  Hard to find.  Hard to maintain.  And really hard on us to lose.

Life is good.  This place is where I need to be.  I think it always has been.  But time….

Time flies at this age.  It is fleeting.  We rush to get things done.  Our kids grow up too fast.  Time is short.  But not when it comes to healing the heart.  Time drags.  Agonizingly slow.

I’m good here where I am.  I’m good at this time and at this point in my journey.  But the journey continues.  And I am very thankful that it is continuing.

Because I need time.  Lots and lots of time.